Recently, I have been dropping, knocking over or bumping into everything. Yesterday was no different.
After work, I headed to Whole Foods to pick up some gluten-free pasta, crackers, etc. to get me through this horrible acid reflux and repulsion to most foods. I knew that I could handle carbs (or their gluten-free, rice-based friends) so I wandered into the pasta aisle.
Now, I am a quiet, keep-to-myself type of shopper. Some people smile at others, spark conversation or even make remarks on the items on sale. Not me. I go in with a purpose — and although I might get distracted and a short trip to the store might turn into an afternoon adventure –I am in and out.
So… let’s set the scene… I am in the pasta aisle, admiring all of the gluten-free options, when I see a bag of spirals that I want. I am tired. Exhausted. I am hungry. I have acid reflux and I have never experienced pain in my breasts in my life, so I am not quite myself…
So, I bend down and BOOOOOOOM. The bottom 5 shelves all come tumbling down. Pasta goes everywhere. Boxes scatter the ground. And here I am, holding a single bag of pasta in the center of this disaster. Other shoppers merely stare at me and step around the boxes to move on. I apologize to anyone that comes near me for my clumsiness, mumbling something about having a rough day…
I nicely pile all of the pasta back onto the shelves and leave the store with my tail between my legs (not, of course, before accidentally grabbing the tester of lotion and trying to buy it). I get into my car with my bag-o-carbs and open the diet ginger ale that I have been longing for all day. Well, I open it, raise it to my lips… and it goes all over me. All over. I am not even driving. I am parked, and I cannot manage to consume a beverage without pouring it all over myself and my car.
Totally frazzeled and ready to go home, I head down the road to our house to be part of what will be the most entertaining part of my day — our first pregnancy test.
Now… I have never taken a pregnancy test, but I understand the concept. Pee on the end of the stick and wait. Not too hard. “No, Lauren, I don’t need to read the directions! How hard can this be??”
I was only 8 days past our insemination, so I knew that even if I was pregnant it would not register yet, but I wanted to test for the sole reason of seeing if the hCG shot is out of my system. If it was still in my system the test would register positive, a false positive, and it would mean that many of these symptoms — aching breasts, crazy emotions, etc. — would be a result of the shot and not be my own.
So, I grab the pregnancy test, unwrap the foil and head to the bathroom. I tell Lauren that she doesn’t have to follow me. That I can do this and will let her read the test afterwards. Well, she wanted to be a part of it, and understandably so… but our bathroom is tiny. Rowhouse tiny.
And before I know it, Lauren, the two dogs and I are crammed in a room no larger than a queen sized bed. Casey and Sable — our dogs — are standing in the bathtub in front of me, and Lauren standing next to me. Isn’t that a picture?! I wish I had the camera.
What was going to be a super easy experience, turned into what looked like sprinkler system. Apparently, there are instructions with specifics for how to conduct the pregnancy test… which I did not read. We could barely stop laughing long enough during this weird wet and wild experience to actually read the test. I don’t need to go into any more detail, but trust me… there was clean-up afterwards.
It was negative. And that is ok. It was too early to test anyway, but at least we know that the shot is out of my system. We are going to test Saturday, Sunday and Tuesday morning before heading to the doctor on Thursday for a blood test. This is the week! Finally! It is here. Keep us in your thoughts.